I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She told me I should be a condom model.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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