You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
