her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
