She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
