she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
