Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
