She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
