you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
