is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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