just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
