whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
