ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
