You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
