i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
