Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The air was thick with penises
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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