remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
