I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
