Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
