I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
