why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
