Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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