And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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