Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am available for nakedness
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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