wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
