I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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