watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
