I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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