Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
