Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
