I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
