You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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