My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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