I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
