This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
