I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I smell like Dick and happiness
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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