I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
