My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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