Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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