matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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