I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
