hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
