Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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