Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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