real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
