First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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