k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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