he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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