theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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