I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
