I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
